Since my last blog my father sank into Code Blue. I don't know what that means and I didn't Google it, but when my sister reported it to me from the Emergency Room in the hospital, it didn't sound good. Matter of fact, I immediately went on-line to make plane reservations so I could leave immediately for California to be with my sister and mother.
That was yesterday. Today my father called me from the hospital to tell me he was OK. He was completely coherent and very matter of fact when he explained to me that he had felt a little weak yesterday before his caretaker had taken him to the hospital. He was feeling a lot better today. Amazingly, once again he had escaped death. His heart actually had stopped. His kidneys failed but he survived. They operated on him last night, replaced the battery in his pacemaker, and are now monitoring his recovery.
I don't know what to think or even what to feel. I am a little confused about what actually happened and am still concerned that the situation could worsen again, although things do seem a lot better. In talking to my sister I am not confident in the doctors. She does not believe that they really understand my father's condition or that they handled the situation in the best way. However, my father is still alive. Is it a result of modern medical magic or my father's unique attitude and will to live? Is it a combination of both?
Life and death are very mysterious. There are forces at work that we don't understand. There is a scientific way to look at things. There is a religious, spiritual way, and probably many ways in between. It seems to me that we need to continue to move forward on the scientific front to discover and develop everything we can to improve the quality and longevity of our lives. At the same time we need to be open to the existence of a spiritual reality and its intersection and influence on our physical lives.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Concern about my Dad
My sister just called me. Whenever she calls my heart races a little. She lives close by to my parents and has been responsible for their care. My parents are 89 and 96 years old and have had some health problems--needless to say, I always worry my sister is calling with bad news. Today she told me that my father was in the emergency room. His heart rate had slowed to thirty two beats a minute; he was going to have to have surgery to replace his pacemaker. She was concerned and wanted me to share this concern with her.
I never appreciated my father until he was eighty years old. I always loved him and saw that he was a good person, but I felt that he was a little close-minded and narrow in his view of life. It seemed to me that he judged people based on two criteria: net worth and political leaning. His description after meeting someone might be "he is worth a lot of money but I think he is a Republican." There was nothing worse to him than a Republican, except maybe a Nazi, but they were close.
I came to see that my father actually was a special person. First of all he loves my mother dearly. They have been married for sixty-seven years. They were both virgins when they got married and I am sure they have been faithful to each other. By itself this is an impressive achievement.
Second, he was never stopped working on himself. One of his main beliefs is to do something each day to improve himself. When I was young he would come home from working in the post office after riding on the subway for over two hours (which I swore I would never do) and spend the evening studying vocabulary development or spelling books. No reason for this except he believed in constantly learning and growing.
He also studied history and philosophy. One of his heroes was Arnold Bennett who wrote a book about How to Live Each Day. My dad would quote from the book and it would immediately cause a rebellion within me. It was only later after I had found a system , the Fourth Way, that I believed offered the most sensible and clear description of life and tried to introduce it to my father that I came to realize that Arnold Bennett teachings were very similar to the Fourth Way. My father through an entirely different path had come to the same place that I had. This was very eye-opening to me.
It wasn't that I grew to respect my father because he had come to believe some of the same things that I did. I saw that in his own way he was seeking the truth and trying to become a better person. These are good things, really good things, and everyone would be better off if they lived with these two goals.
Although my father looked up to rich people and saw them somehow as being superior, he achieved a financial success in his own right. He retired from the Post Office after 30 years and a second time after 10 years as a medical stenographer. This enabled him to get two pensions and social security that have allowed him and my mother to live comfortably for over thirty years.
I am waiting nervously now for my sister to get back to me with an update on my father's condition. I have been preparing myself for the worst for the last few years during which time he has had a heart attack, a couple of strokes, and brain surgery. Amazingly he has pulled through each time and continued to work on himself.
One of his main goals now is to be able to walk by himself up and down the hall outside the door of his assisted living facility. He takes exercise classes everyday. On a recent visit to his doctor, he asked the doctor why he was so tired. The doctor responded that this was not unusual for a 96 year old man. My father wanted a second opinion.
I have asked myself many times over these past years if I have any unfinished business with my father. Is there anything I have wanted to tell him that I haven't? I don't think there is. He knows I love him and I know he loves me. I hope he is OK, but whatever happens he will continue to be an inspiration to me and my family and to everyone who has come to know him. You can't ask for much more than that.
I never appreciated my father until he was eighty years old. I always loved him and saw that he was a good person, but I felt that he was a little close-minded and narrow in his view of life. It seemed to me that he judged people based on two criteria: net worth and political leaning. His description after meeting someone might be "he is worth a lot of money but I think he is a Republican." There was nothing worse to him than a Republican, except maybe a Nazi, but they were close.
I came to see that my father actually was a special person. First of all he loves my mother dearly. They have been married for sixty-seven years. They were both virgins when they got married and I am sure they have been faithful to each other. By itself this is an impressive achievement.
Second, he was never stopped working on himself. One of his main beliefs is to do something each day to improve himself. When I was young he would come home from working in the post office after riding on the subway for over two hours (which I swore I would never do) and spend the evening studying vocabulary development or spelling books. No reason for this except he believed in constantly learning and growing.
He also studied history and philosophy. One of his heroes was Arnold Bennett who wrote a book about How to Live Each Day. My dad would quote from the book and it would immediately cause a rebellion within me. It was only later after I had found a system , the Fourth Way, that I believed offered the most sensible and clear description of life and tried to introduce it to my father that I came to realize that Arnold Bennett teachings were very similar to the Fourth Way. My father through an entirely different path had come to the same place that I had. This was very eye-opening to me.
It wasn't that I grew to respect my father because he had come to believe some of the same things that I did. I saw that in his own way he was seeking the truth and trying to become a better person. These are good things, really good things, and everyone would be better off if they lived with these two goals.
Although my father looked up to rich people and saw them somehow as being superior, he achieved a financial success in his own right. He retired from the Post Office after 30 years and a second time after 10 years as a medical stenographer. This enabled him to get two pensions and social security that have allowed him and my mother to live comfortably for over thirty years.
I am waiting nervously now for my sister to get back to me with an update on my father's condition. I have been preparing myself for the worst for the last few years during which time he has had a heart attack, a couple of strokes, and brain surgery. Amazingly he has pulled through each time and continued to work on himself.
One of his main goals now is to be able to walk by himself up and down the hall outside the door of his assisted living facility. He takes exercise classes everyday. On a recent visit to his doctor, he asked the doctor why he was so tired. The doctor responded that this was not unusual for a 96 year old man. My father wanted a second opinion.
I have asked myself many times over these past years if I have any unfinished business with my father. Is there anything I have wanted to tell him that I haven't? I don't think there is. He knows I love him and I know he loves me. I hope he is OK, but whatever happens he will continue to be an inspiration to me and my family and to everyone who has come to know him. You can't ask for much more than that.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Do We Control our Thoughts?
If you spend any time observing your thoughts you will probably be shocked at how mundane self-centered, and repetitive they are. Almost all of us have a limited range of repeating thought patterns that takes up most of the time of our thought life. I have been told by people who know about this stuff that each of us has seven primary thought patterns. These may include food, sex, money, family, work, health, sports, or some derivation of any of these.
Since we usually don't think about what we think about (think about that fact) we live our lives, for the most part in a partial dreaming state in which we are constantly being barraged by a stream of repetitive thoughts. If you don't care how you spend your time and your thought patterns don't trigger a negative reverberation within your being this is not a problem. Matter of fact it keeps you out of trouble and enables you to get through the day without having to put any effort into thinking.
However, if you become aware of the quality of your thoughts while you are alone, which is most of the time, you may begin to recognize that you have very little control of your thoughts. They are primarily influenced by external stimuli or habit. You have been programmed to think in certain ways and it is very hard to escape from this condition. So your thoughts are controlled by what is going on around you and by your programming or both.
Now this entire conversation might sound like mumbo-jumbo and your reaction might be so what or what is he trying to say. What I am trying to say is a few things. First of all, most of the problems in the world are caused by this easily observable phenomenon that for the most part we don't control our thoughts and that most of our actions and feelings are influenced by this limited range of thoughts that we don't choose. Secondly, except for the very few, we are all equal in this situation. Even though who appear to be more together or more organized or more successful are usually that way because of circumstances rather than conscious choice. Thirdly, there is a possibility to overcome this. We can begin to observe our thoughts and then we can begin to choose what it is we want to think about. If we can learn to be more conscious in our thinking our decisions will be more objective and our lives will improve. This is the one of the main lessons that I have gotten from my spiritual searching. There is the possibilityof thinking on a higher level, one in which we are more free and have access to a greater intelligence. This makes a lot of sense to me. I wonder if I explained it clearly.
Since we usually don't think about what we think about (think about that fact) we live our lives, for the most part in a partial dreaming state in which we are constantly being barraged by a stream of repetitive thoughts. If you don't care how you spend your time and your thought patterns don't trigger a negative reverberation within your being this is not a problem. Matter of fact it keeps you out of trouble and enables you to get through the day without having to put any effort into thinking.
However, if you become aware of the quality of your thoughts while you are alone, which is most of the time, you may begin to recognize that you have very little control of your thoughts. They are primarily influenced by external stimuli or habit. You have been programmed to think in certain ways and it is very hard to escape from this condition. So your thoughts are controlled by what is going on around you and by your programming or both.
Now this entire conversation might sound like mumbo-jumbo and your reaction might be so what or what is he trying to say. What I am trying to say is a few things. First of all, most of the problems in the world are caused by this easily observable phenomenon that for the most part we don't control our thoughts and that most of our actions and feelings are influenced by this limited range of thoughts that we don't choose. Secondly, except for the very few, we are all equal in this situation. Even though who appear to be more together or more organized or more successful are usually that way because of circumstances rather than conscious choice. Thirdly, there is a possibility to overcome this. We can begin to observe our thoughts and then we can begin to choose what it is we want to think about. If we can learn to be more conscious in our thinking our decisions will be more objective and our lives will improve. This is the one of the main lessons that I have gotten from my spiritual searching. There is the possibilityof thinking on a higher level, one in which we are more free and have access to a greater intelligence. This makes a lot of sense to me. I wonder if I explained it clearly.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Grandchildren and Monsters
My grandchildren spent most of the weekend here in Brigantine. I'm exhausted. Their favorite game is monster and I am the monster. It takes a lot of energy to be the monster. It takes a lot to be the victims of the monster, too. My grandchildren have the energy; that's their strength. My strength is my ability to make a fool of myself without regard to how I appear. I've always had this strength. It's one of the reasons I'm a good salesperson. I have never been too concerned with people's opinion of me.
People who don't know me mistake my lack of concern for my appearance for not caring about myself or other people. I don't think that's the reason. My priorities are different. I do care about myself and others; I'm just more interested in what's inside. This might sound like an excuse for laziness, and maybe it is, but it's hard to be good at everything.
My three year old granddaughter cried for two hours because she did not want to change her dress. She didn't think she would be pretty enough in her new dress. I finally got her to stop by acting totally crazy. I brought her up to my bedroom. We pretended that my bed was a boat and that you were safe when you were on the boat; if you walked on the floor you might get eaten or bitten by the monster . When the monster bit you you went crazy until someone touched you. She continued crying hysterically.
I started to yell and scream and run around the room flailing my arms, jerking my body in all directions, and making the most bizarre and distorted faces. It was a contest: Would I be able to keep it up long enough to penetrate her mood or would she continue crying until I passed out from exhaustion? After a few minutes or maybe ninety seconds, she could not control herself any more. She started to laugh and jump on the bed.
My willingness to be out of control without regard to how I was acting overcame her wanting to look pretty or her desire to get her way. There is a big lesson here, someplace. I have been trying to teach this lesson for years. It's a tough one to accept for those of us who pride ourselves on being polite and politically correct. I don't think that either of these two attitudes produce good results. I can understand if you disagree with this and I wouldn't argue strongly about my point of view. I wonder whether those of you who disagree with me can see my point of view.
People who don't know me mistake my lack of concern for my appearance for not caring about myself or other people. I don't think that's the reason. My priorities are different. I do care about myself and others; I'm just more interested in what's inside. This might sound like an excuse for laziness, and maybe it is, but it's hard to be good at everything.
My three year old granddaughter cried for two hours because she did not want to change her dress. She didn't think she would be pretty enough in her new dress. I finally got her to stop by acting totally crazy. I brought her up to my bedroom. We pretended that my bed was a boat and that you were safe when you were on the boat; if you walked on the floor you might get eaten or bitten by the monster . When the monster bit you you went crazy until someone touched you. She continued crying hysterically.
I started to yell and scream and run around the room flailing my arms, jerking my body in all directions, and making the most bizarre and distorted faces. It was a contest: Would I be able to keep it up long enough to penetrate her mood or would she continue crying until I passed out from exhaustion? After a few minutes or maybe ninety seconds, she could not control herself any more. She started to laugh and jump on the bed.
My willingness to be out of control without regard to how I was acting overcame her wanting to look pretty or her desire to get her way. There is a big lesson here, someplace. I have been trying to teach this lesson for years. It's a tough one to accept for those of us who pride ourselves on being polite and politically correct. I don't think that either of these two attitudes produce good results. I can understand if you disagree with this and I wouldn't argue strongly about my point of view. I wonder whether those of you who disagree with me can see my point of view.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Limitations of Logic
Logic is definitely overrated. It is useful at times but it has limitations. If you can understand the limitations of logic that is a big first step, in my opinion, towards personal development and happiness. Experience is more valuable than logic. Objective observation is more valuable. Intuition is also more valuable. The biggest problem with logic is that it fools you into believing that you know more than you do or that you have a greater understanding than you actually have. It prevents you from investigating the possibilities that might be considered illogical.
It is logical to assume that people will act in their own self-interests, but oftentimes they don't. It is logical to believe that when you make sense people will understand you, but they don't. It is logical to assume that if we work hard and do the right things our lives will be positive. However our experience doesn't bear this out. It is logical that our physical reality should consist of physical components that have substance, but the results of quantum physics has taught us that physical reality does not have solidity but shifts back and forth between a wave and particle depending on our position of observation.
Shit happens, and logical outcomes, especially in the big and important events in our lives are rare. Where does this line of reasoning lead? It leads to a softening of our views, a more fluid, lighthearted, and non-attached approach to life. We need to lower our expectations in any individual situation but maintain the less logical viewpoint that everything will work out in the end. Where logic is most valuable is when we realize that the world in which we live is unpredictable and much of it still remains a mystery. When we come to the realization that we do not know and that no one knows for sure what will happen tomorrow then we can begin to enjoy our lives.
I want to be clear about this. I am not against logic as a tool in our arsenal for trying to understand our lives and make the world a better place. It is only one tool, however. We need to develop others, those that enable us to hold opposite opinions simultaneously. We need to be more creative in our thinking, emotions, and actions. We need to cultivate our intuition so that we can take risks that make sense and offer us the opportunity to make real breakthroughs in our relationships and businesses. Our major enemies are fear and habit. I have no question we can do it, although this view is quite illogical.
It is logical to assume that people will act in their own self-interests, but oftentimes they don't. It is logical to believe that when you make sense people will understand you, but they don't. It is logical to assume that if we work hard and do the right things our lives will be positive. However our experience doesn't bear this out. It is logical that our physical reality should consist of physical components that have substance, but the results of quantum physics has taught us that physical reality does not have solidity but shifts back and forth between a wave and particle depending on our position of observation.
Shit happens, and logical outcomes, especially in the big and important events in our lives are rare. Where does this line of reasoning lead? It leads to a softening of our views, a more fluid, lighthearted, and non-attached approach to life. We need to lower our expectations in any individual situation but maintain the less logical viewpoint that everything will work out in the end. Where logic is most valuable is when we realize that the world in which we live is unpredictable and much of it still remains a mystery. When we come to the realization that we do not know and that no one knows for sure what will happen tomorrow then we can begin to enjoy our lives.
I want to be clear about this. I am not against logic as a tool in our arsenal for trying to understand our lives and make the world a better place. It is only one tool, however. We need to develop others, those that enable us to hold opposite opinions simultaneously. We need to be more creative in our thinking, emotions, and actions. We need to cultivate our intuition so that we can take risks that make sense and offer us the opportunity to make real breakthroughs in our relationships and businesses. Our major enemies are fear and habit. I have no question we can do it, although this view is quite illogical.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Who are the Good Guys?
I grew up believing that the "good guys" always win. First, we won the American Revolution, freeing ourselves from the tyranny of Great Britain. Next, the North beat the South in the Civil War ending the evils of slavery. The U.S. won WWI and WWII defeating Germany and Hitler, the epitome of "bad guys." Then the Dodgers beat the Yankees in the 1955 World Series and I knew for sure the world was a fair place. Everything seemed clear in those days. The movies always had happy endings and I believed that I would meet the girl of my dreams and find a job I loved that would make me rich.
I look at it a little differently now. I am not always sure: who are the good guys? When the stock market goes up does this mean that the good guys are winning? Are the democrats really the good guys, as my father totally believes? Does it really matter what party is in charge? When we outsource tens of thousands of jobs to India and China are the good guys the ones who want to keep the work here, at home; or are they the ambitious, efficient, and reliable workers who are capable of doing the work for less money? Are the good guys the ones who preach the Gospel of Jesus and the requirement to "Love our Neighbors?"; or are they the ones who warn us against the evils of superstitious belief systems?
Are the good guys the ones who want to do whatever it takes to keep America safe including torture and limit our rights to privacy, or are they the ones who protest against war even when our enemies are clearly evil and want to destroy us?
What about Global Warming? Are the good guys the ones who want to save our planet and protect our environment; or are they the ones who want to protect us from overreacting and overspending to unproven theories or speculation?
I am not sure we can divide the world into good guys and bad guys. I am not even sure that we can determine who is right or wrong on many of the issues facing our planet today. When you listen carefully, both sides usually make very powerful arguments supporting their point of view. We can't predict the future; if we are honest we must admit that we really don't know the right course of action in many cases.
I think the good guys today are the ones who are interested in doing two things: promoting personal freedom and eliminating pain and suffering.
I think the good guys are the one who are willing to keep their mind open to both sides of an issue, who approach a problem not with the goal of convincing others that they are right but whose primary motivation is to explore the question with objectivity and sincerity.
In some cases it is clear what is right, but in most cases it is not so clear. This does not mean that we should do nothing or not move forward unless we are sure what to do. What it does mean is that we must always be open to the possibility that we may not be right, that many things are not the way they seem to be, and sometimes we need to do the exact opposite of what we have done in the past. It is only through flexibility, willingness to change, and openness to admitting that we are wrong that we can navigate the complexities of today's challenging world.
I look at it a little differently now. I am not always sure: who are the good guys? When the stock market goes up does this mean that the good guys are winning? Are the democrats really the good guys, as my father totally believes? Does it really matter what party is in charge? When we outsource tens of thousands of jobs to India and China are the good guys the ones who want to keep the work here, at home; or are they the ambitious, efficient, and reliable workers who are capable of doing the work for less money? Are the good guys the ones who preach the Gospel of Jesus and the requirement to "Love our Neighbors?"; or are they the ones who warn us against the evils of superstitious belief systems?
Are the good guys the ones who want to do whatever it takes to keep America safe including torture and limit our rights to privacy, or are they the ones who protest against war even when our enemies are clearly evil and want to destroy us?
What about Global Warming? Are the good guys the ones who want to save our planet and protect our environment; or are they the ones who want to protect us from overreacting and overspending to unproven theories or speculation?
I am not sure we can divide the world into good guys and bad guys. I am not even sure that we can determine who is right or wrong on many of the issues facing our planet today. When you listen carefully, both sides usually make very powerful arguments supporting their point of view. We can't predict the future; if we are honest we must admit that we really don't know the right course of action in many cases.
I think the good guys today are the ones who are interested in doing two things: promoting personal freedom and eliminating pain and suffering.
I think the good guys are the one who are willing to keep their mind open to both sides of an issue, who approach a problem not with the goal of convincing others that they are right but whose primary motivation is to explore the question with objectivity and sincerity.
In some cases it is clear what is right, but in most cases it is not so clear. This does not mean that we should do nothing or not move forward unless we are sure what to do. What it does mean is that we must always be open to the possibility that we may not be right, that many things are not the way they seem to be, and sometimes we need to do the exact opposite of what we have done in the past. It is only through flexibility, willingness to change, and openness to admitting that we are wrong that we can navigate the complexities of today's challenging world.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Discipline or Addiction
I now have written my blog conscientiously for 37 days. I've only missed one day except for the time I was in Florida. I'm proud of myself. If I continue on this pace for the next ten years I will have written over 3000 blogs. That's a little scary since I will have to come up with 3000 different thoughts, stories, or ideas. Actually, that's not a problem.
The problem is keeping myself motivated to believe that I actually have something to say, that there is some value in doing this. For years I have been disciplined in ways that very few people are. What I consider discipline might also be addiction or neurosis based on guilt of not following through or giving up. Let me give some examples.
#1- When I was nineteen I went to a lecture given by the Maharishi. My mother went with me. She was supportive of my interest in spiritual pursuits. The Maharishi said that if I meditated twice a day for twenty minutes each time I would reach bliss consciousness in five years. I did this for five years, hardly missing a session. My wife would get irritated with me at times for disrupting the family schedule, bit I did not want to miss my twenty minute session.
After five years I did not reach bliss consciousness. I went back to the Maharishi and told him that I had not achieved the goal. He said, "Do it for another five years." So I did and after five more years, hardly missing a session, not reaching bliss consciousness, I decided to try something else.
#2- Every day for the last thirty two years I have been doing Yoga. I've missed on average maximum of ten days per year. I stand on my head for four minutes every single day and do at least six or seven other postures. It usually takes me thirty minutes. I can't leave the house without doing my exercises. My new wife sometimes gets irritated with me for my fanaticism and that it takes me so long to get ready in the morning.
#3- I walk thirty minutes a day. I have been doing this for eighteen years. I remember the first day I did it, thinking it might be a good idea to get some exercise now that my basketball career was winding down. I haven't missed many days during this time except when my back goes out and I can't walk (which happens once a year for four or five days.) No one seems irritated by this except myself. I get a gnawing pain if I haven't walked; I feel pressure each day until I have completed my walk.
#4- For the last thirty years, no exaggeration, I have fasted at least once a year for a minimum of five days and as many as twelve. Fasting is horrible and tortuous. I dread these fasts. During the entire time I am fasting I dream about food. My wife gets more than irritated with me. First of all she thinks it's harmful; secondly she doesn't like to eat alone. Also I don't smell too great during these fasts; everyone who comes into contact with me suffers.
I think I have benefited from these disciplines. Matter of fact I'm almost sure of it. I wonder if I'll feel that way after 3000 blogs.
The problem is keeping myself motivated to believe that I actually have something to say, that there is some value in doing this. For years I have been disciplined in ways that very few people are. What I consider discipline might also be addiction or neurosis based on guilt of not following through or giving up. Let me give some examples.
#1- When I was nineteen I went to a lecture given by the Maharishi. My mother went with me. She was supportive of my interest in spiritual pursuits. The Maharishi said that if I meditated twice a day for twenty minutes each time I would reach bliss consciousness in five years. I did this for five years, hardly missing a session. My wife would get irritated with me at times for disrupting the family schedule, bit I did not want to miss my twenty minute session.
After five years I did not reach bliss consciousness. I went back to the Maharishi and told him that I had not achieved the goal. He said, "Do it for another five years." So I did and after five more years, hardly missing a session, not reaching bliss consciousness, I decided to try something else.
#2- Every day for the last thirty two years I have been doing Yoga. I've missed on average maximum of ten days per year. I stand on my head for four minutes every single day and do at least six or seven other postures. It usually takes me thirty minutes. I can't leave the house without doing my exercises. My new wife sometimes gets irritated with me for my fanaticism and that it takes me so long to get ready in the morning.
#3- I walk thirty minutes a day. I have been doing this for eighteen years. I remember the first day I did it, thinking it might be a good idea to get some exercise now that my basketball career was winding down. I haven't missed many days during this time except when my back goes out and I can't walk (which happens once a year for four or five days.) No one seems irritated by this except myself. I get a gnawing pain if I haven't walked; I feel pressure each day until I have completed my walk.
#4- For the last thirty years, no exaggeration, I have fasted at least once a year for a minimum of five days and as many as twelve. Fasting is horrible and tortuous. I dread these fasts. During the entire time I am fasting I dream about food. My wife gets more than irritated with me. First of all she thinks it's harmful; secondly she doesn't like to eat alone. Also I don't smell too great during these fasts; everyone who comes into contact with me suffers.
I think I have benefited from these disciplines. Matter of fact I'm almost sure of it. I wonder if I'll feel that way after 3000 blogs.
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