Thursday, August 6, 2009

Questionable Benefits of Chaos

My life has been a little hectic lately. Not that I mind. I thrive on chaos. I actually specialize in creating confusion and mayhem. I used to do it naturally without even thinking. This changed though when I became involved in the Fourth Way. This is a teaching whose basic principle is that we are very mechanical in our actions and thoughts. We need to break through the chains of our habits if we want to develop ourselves and become more conscious. When I started studying this philosophy I interpreted this to mean that any actions that create discomfort and change are good. Chaos was actually a preferred state. I embraced this wholeheartedly. My tendency to create upheaval was no longer a liability. I could now do it and rationalize that it was helping everyone around me.

Sometimes though it gets a little out of hand. I think this is what's going on in my life now. First of all we have had guests at our house nonstop. This is not necessarily bad. Matter of fact we bought our beach house so that people would want to come and visit us. We figured it would be a way that we could attract our kids and grandkids. The problem is that we did not realize how much effort it takes to constantly entertain We also did not expect the amount of people that would be coming and the length of time they would be staying.

My daughter has been down three times in the last six weeks. Each time she has called to tell me she would be coming down with a friend to relax. Each time she showed up with a minimum of four friends and each time within 24 hours at least 2-3 additional friends or their boy friends showed up. For the most part they behaved reasonably except they were up all night, usually getting to bed by 6 am and sleeping most of the day. Plus most of them smoke. I love my daughter and enjoy spending time with her and really don't want to limit her enjoyment and feeling that this is her house also.

My friend Marty visited us also a couple of weeks ago. He stayed eight days. I love being with him and arguing about politics and life but after a while it does wear me down. He smokes two packs a day, talks non-stop in an extremely loud voice, and is constantly critical of me. I still felt badly when he left.

My step-daughter in law and her sister showed up a few days ago, Both darling girls. They decided they wanted to go out at night and asked us if we would watch our grandson. They said he would be no problem. He had just been fed, diaper changed and was expected to sleep the night. They went out around 11:30. At 11:45 he was up and crying. He cried for over an hour straight. He then seemed to get a burst of energy and was crawling all over, getting into one dangerous situation after another. My wife and I were exhausted. It was 2:00 in the morning. Our normal bedtime is 10:00. This is what grandparents do, though. Plus our daughter-in-law doesn't have it easy and deserves a break whenever she can get it.

Although I am effected by all this activity, it is my wife who bears the brunt of it. She feels compelled to keep the house neat and make sure everyone is fed and enjoying themselves. Last night was the first night in a while there was no one here. She went to bed early to catch up on some much needed sleep. I stayed downstairs to catch up on episodes of Entourage and True Blood.

When I finally decided to go to bed I couldn't find the remote. I literally spent 45 minutes looking for it. Finally, since I did not know how to turn off the tv, I went upstairs to ask for my wife's help. I had to wake her up. Her first comment was, "your're a moron." I didn't take it personally. She did go downstairs and found the remote in some hidden, almost invisible part of the chair, although she probably would say it was more obviously visible.

My theory of the benefits of chaos is being tested now. I may have to moderate it somewhat.

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