Sources of Good and Evil

It surprises me that so many people think they're logical, that they make sense, when in fact they are clueless and misinformed. It also surprises me how amazing our world is and how much technological progress we have made. How can we create computers that process and access billions of pieces of information, planes fly across the world, tv's that transmit images across space, buildings that reach the sky, and artificial body parts to replace real ones when we can hardly get along with each other.

Life on earth is enigmatic, a real mystery. We slaughter each other by the millions; at the same type, we develop cures and medical advances that prolong life and save millions from lives of pain and suffering.Our cruelty, prejudice, and ability to fool ourselves into believing we know more than we do is only equaled by our talent to create incredibly beautiful art, music, and theater.

To me, West Side Story is incredible art.
Some believe there is evil on our planet, that Satan actually exists, and his influence causes the bad things that happen in this world. Some feel man has an uncontrolled animal instinct, a legacy from our apelike ancestors, and that this aggressive, selfish, part of our being, when let loose, can cause unspeakably horrible actions.

We don't know for sure why bad stuff happens. We do know that it does happen. We also know that good stuff happens, real good stuff. If we are explorers of truth we might identify traces of evidence left behind in all action--this can lead us to understanding the sources of good and evil. When we explore evil, remnants of vanity and pride appear in all their many manifestations. When we investigate beauty and good we find kindness without expectation, humility, and an openness to change. The trained observer and spiritual seeker cultivates discrimination and discernment to recognize what path to follow, what to avoid.

Mormonism and ice cream

My wife and I just finished watching Big Love, a T.V. show about polygamy and Mormonism, one of the more interesting religions. It is thriving throughout the world. It is one of the fastest growing religions. Mormons are accepted and respected as part of the American mainstream. Also, it is a modern religion founded in the 1800's. What this means is that its history is documented and verifiable.

The Mormons believe God and Jesus appeared to Joseph Smith in upstate N.Y. and told him that the exisiting Christian religions were off track, that he would restore the true teachings of Jesus to the world. He was then directed by an Angel, Moroni, to dig up plates that were buried on a hill in New York. His translation of these plates became the Book of Mormon, which is the story of Jesus' ministry in the new world. Because his teaching came after those that he delivered in the Middle East, the Mormons believe that their information is the most updated and valid--that it represents the latest views of God and Jesus. The Mormons also believe that the bible and god's teachings are continually updated and that the twelve apostles are in contact with God and Jesus and are receiving all these updates.

In 1964 I went to the worlds fair in N.Y. I visited the Mormon pavilion and was introduced for the first time to Mormon teachings. I am open to everything. I believe in everything and in nothing. For many years I was attracted to the Mormon teachings. What attracted me most was the idea that "From their fruits you will know them." What this meant to me is that if you wanted to validate the truth of a religion you just needed to observe the followers of that religion. When you observe the Mormons you see a good looking, hard working, family oriented, healthy, and always smiling group of people who seem to have achieved a very high level of contentment in their lives. This is very appealing, very attractive.

When you dig deeper into the Mormon religion, as I have, (don't ask me why), you find that Joseph Smith and most of his claims are bogus and that many of the fundamental stories upon which Mormonism is based are highly questionable. It seems that the Book of Mormon is not original; it has sections which have been plagiarized from other writings of the time.

I had considered at one time converting to Mormonism. When I expressed an interested in doing this the Mormon Church in Lancaster introduced me to a Jewish man from New York who went to the same high school (Tilden) and college (Brooklyn College) that I did. He told me his story and that he was completely convinced that Mormonism was the one true religion. He invited me to the Church to become converted. While I was waiting for the conversion ceremony I was sitting in a room with my fellow Jew and we were offered apple pie and ice cream. (Utah eats more ice cream per capita than any other state). I enjoyed my piece. I observed however that my cohort requested seconds and thirds. I watched him down these large portions and it hit me. He was completely brainwashed and was sent around the country to convince and convert Jews who showed an interest in Mormonism. When they came to get me, I asked if I could leave and didn't look back. I never again considered joining any religion.

Results of 45 years of inquiry

There are times when it seems that no one understands what I am saying, I hate to admit it but these times are frequent. This does not include those times when I am communicating with my wife or kids or friends about practical matters or reporting about what is going on in my life. These communications are usually successful.

What I have difficult with is communicating the results of my spiritual, philosophical , and psychological studies. In studying these area, including religion I have encountered many theories, ideas, opinions, imaginings, and other speculative viewpoints that require some level of faith to accept. What I am looking for is to narrow my searching to those ideas that I know are true, those that do not have to be accepted on faith but can be proven by observations and are duplicated over a period of time. Here are a few of the ideas which have been proven to me.

1- There is a limitation to what we can understand through logic. The most obvious proof of this is our inability to logically imagine how we were created. We then must ask who created our creator and on and on. There is no logical conclusion to this critical question and yet we exist or we would not be asking this question.

2- It appears that the answer to our inability to logically answer the creation creation is that we are thinking dualistically and linearly, as if everything has a cause and one thing follows another.
There is another way of thinking or observing that perceives the world as a unity where all things are connected and there is no time as we usually know it. The past, present, and future are all occurring at the same time. This idea cannot be communicated but can be intuited or experienced.

3-I'm not positive of this one. But since logic is limited and there is another way to look at our world that is different than logic, there must be a way to develop ourselves or free ourselves from the shackles of logic. All mystical traditions speak about states where we are free to see the world in an unobstructed or expanded way. There are teachings which give us practical methods to awaken ourselves from our limited state and connect with a higher state where logic is transcended and the universe appears in its non-dualistic reality. I have had enough experiences, through LSD, meditation, yoga, moments of consciousness, and unique energetic shocks to conclude that there are other states available to us.

The result of these three points is that there is hope for our future. There is the possibility that we can learn and grow and that our actual mechanism of perceiving the world will change. When this happens to enough of us the nature of our planet will be different.

Krishnamurti and poker

In my opinion Krishnamurti is the most important spiritual teacher of the twentieth century. He was chosen at five years old to be the avatar and leader of the world Theosophical Society. He was taken from his family, trained and nurtured by a carefully selected group of teachers in all they key academic, spiritual, and artistic disciplines. He was groomed to lead the world to a higher state of consciousness.

Krishnamurti, groomed and ready

On the day, Annie Besant, his mentor and main advocate, introduced him as the new head of the Theosophical Society, which at that time had millions of followers worldwide, he rejected his role as teacher. He claimed what was needed was not teachers or teachings; individuals, he said, must find their own way. He then proceeded for the next sixty years to write, to express his thoughts about the mind, how we could potentially free ourselves from the bonds of our thoughts and find truth in our lives.

Pupul Jayakar, one of his main students and author of Krishnamurti A Biography was an addicted poker player who spent almost all of her free time when not meditating, writing, or studying Krishnamurti's complex philosophy in smoke filled poker rooms with other hard core gamblers.

Dostoyevsky, one of the great writers of all time, whose "Notes to the Underground" represents one of the clearest explanations of man's spiritual and psychological struggles, was an addicted gambler. His book, "The Gambler" presents one of the best depictions of the mindset of the gambling personality.

Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard to play poker and spend his time on what he considered to be more productive activities, like starting a small business.

I am not advocating gambling or poker as the path to enlightenment or business success but I personally am attracted to games of chance. I find no limit hold-em poker especially to be a challenging and interesting distraction. I also have found that the quality of the people and thought in poker rooms is a cut above what I find in most other venues.

Success in poker requires patience, discipline, flexibility and an ability to be present to the moment. Holding on to the past or worrying about the future doesn't work. In a world of chaos and confusion, where outcomes are not always clear cut, when it's hard to tell whether your decision making is accurate, poker provides an immediate result. The most difficult question is how to prevent yourself from going over the edge into the illusion that you can actually beat the system. No one escapes without payment.

My First Sexual Experience

I had my first gambling and sexual experience on the same day. I was eight years old. My grandfather took me and my mother to Hollywood Park. My grandfather loved gambling on the ponies. My mother loved finding celebrities. My grandfather showed me how to handicap, a skill I immediately and innately understood, a skill that stimulated an instinctual sense of excitement within me, an excitement about predicting the future and making money doing it.

Then, suddenly, my mother cried out: "I see Joe Dimaggio!"

She dragged me to the spot he was sitting, but Joe wasn't here; he had gone to make a bet, I guess. In his place, there sat a blond woman. A strange feeling stirred me, one that later influenced my life drastically. I don't remember if I actually had an erection. But I do vividly recall this blond woman, the attractive force that overcame everything I was experiencing.

Marilyn was something special even to an eight year old.


I started in spiritual work when I was nine. I was walking home from Hebrew School. At the time, I had been having terrible nightmares. My Rabbi had introduced me to the All Powerful Being, the Big Man looking down on me, judging everything I was doing. I was sensitive, and I was very attracted to the idea of an unseen world that ruled our life, even though it initially scared me. It was a dark winter night. I was kicking an icicle on the pavement, entirely afraid of the Being up in the sky looking down on me. Then, for some unexplainable reason, I had this sensation: the Being, I knew, was good and all-powerful. There was nothing to worry about.

I began thinking about money a little later in my life, probably after I had gotten a girl pregnant after knowing her for one day. Nine months later, I looked at her and my one week old baby, sleeping on a mattress on the floor in the one room apartment we were renting in Queens.

That was over thirty years ago.

Since that time I have studied business, gambling, sex, and spiritual work with the idea of formulating a unified theory that might enable me to survive in this chaotic world.

I thought I might share some of my findings.